Jeff left me a note on the table today when I got home. It said “I heart you” but instead of the word heart, he drew the heart. So what it said was, “I love you.” It was written on a 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of computer paper in big letters. Just a simple phrase. The perfect note to come home to. It made me reflect for a bit, that’s what I do. I remembered when we first got married and how impressed he was by the hearts I could draw. He would concentrate so hard to try and draw the perfect heart, only to notice that one side was bigger or flatter or whatever. I would out of habit make a heart without even thinking about it and he would ew and ah. So funny. Where did the time go.
He’s gone tonight, which is why I am blogging and why I will not post this until the morning. I still am a bit of a scardy cat and no stranger needs to know when my husbands not home. Camping with the boy scouts he is which leaves me home to man the fort, solo style.
These pictures capture some of my recent thoughts on time. The treasure that it is. The picture of Braxton with with fellow scouts at the derby blows my mind. Jeff and I were the cub scout leaders when I got pregnant with Braxton. Those boys now are 19 years old! We found out we were expecting on a Wednesday and after we called our parents we went straight up to scouts. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for anything that night and our cover was blown by one in particular. Happy Days. I still remember that day exactly, what I was wearing, my blonde highlights, swollen eyes from happy tears.
We had friends over tonight and all the kids had a dinner picnic on the back lawn. I smiled privately when I brought out the plate of burritos and Braxton said, “no guys wait, ladies first” as the little boys were digging in. Happy mommy moment.
All the kids in the picture on the stairs have been besties since before they were born. Now they are turning 5 and 4 and 7 and 9… I remember my friends’ trying to get pregnant, discussing when and if and on and on. Some of us tried for a while, some had surprises. Each was welcomed with love. I love all these kids and their parents. One big happy family of friends we all are. Sharing each others lives, the good and the bad. Sharing each others kids, their triumphs and firsts.
The picture of our 4 on the chairs was Easter Sunday. We had woken early to search for eggs. Jeff had made breakfast, we’d eaten, and Jeff had gone to church for morning meetings. I sent the kids out to play and get some wiggles out, only to find them setting up chairs and hanging out. I went to get ready in the bathroom and opened the window to hear them. I heard funny things like, “okay well I am 18 and so you are 16 and you are….” They probably will be 18 before I know it.
My brother and his dear wife at Graduation this past week. I wish I could have been there to celebrate them on their special day. It was baby Emmett and I who drove Brent to Utah to go to BYU 3 years ago. Emmett was the best traveler ever and I remember Brent commenting on how expensive everything was when we went shopping at ShopKo for essentials. Shampoo, hangers, razors, bread and milk. Someone was a little naïve, lets just say. Crazy how fast that went. I wonder if he still makes comments like that at the store?
The next picture is my cherished friend Jama’s daughter and mine. Her and Adelle are friends and it warms my heart. I have so many good memories with Jama in highschool and I feel so blessed that we are still so close and our little girls can grow up together. Makes me feel old and anxious about what highschool will hold for these sweet girls. Glad they have each other.
And Gagey. Getting so big and handsome. The little brother who thinks he is a big kid, but still loves his mommy’s lap. My little athlete. The boy is so naturally athletic and is always eating. He is my slimmest kid but always putting food away. Can’t believe how big he is getting.
Emmett. My boy who is wiser in years than I am and more patient than I probably ever will be. The boy who thinks instead of speaking and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. The one who idolizes his big brother and defends his baby brother. A few months ago Emmett started having accidents. Random potty in his underwear for no reason except to drive me insane. Not the pee or the mess but the concept. My mind was like, “why is he doing this? Is he sad, is he anxious, is he too busy, does he have an infection…” oh the unknown, how I hate it! I took him to the doctor, I evaluated everything about his life. I tried being nice, being a nag, being mean… nothing worked or helped or made any difference. I was beyond myself. Things like this shouldn’t happen to mom’s who know everything about 4 year old kids. After all, this wasn’t my practice child. I felt consumed. I felt defeated, helpless. Who was in charge here. I remember thinking it was never going to end. Well. To end this time post I just want to say, it ended. He hasn’t done it in 3 weeks and I am relieved. I completely backed off. I decided that if he wanted to wear wet underwear, so be it. I wasn’t going to worry about it. I wasn’t going to remind him to go. I wasn’t going to stress out that there was some underlying meaning. I prayed and then, I let go. It worked. He’s in charge and knows what he’s doing.
Time. The treasure. The healer. The moment snatcher. The memory’s best friend.