"Be strong and of a good courage..."

"Say School." "School!"

I had to put this picture with this post because the looks on our faces totally match our feelings.
Me; don't go! Let me hold onto you forever.
Brax; uh mom. I totally got this. I can handle it. No problem. Can we just go now?

Joshua 1:9 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the ^aLord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

Today was Braxton's first day of school. Sort of. His first day will actually be Monday but today we had the Kindergarten Assessment. My sister watched Emmett and Adelle so that just Braxton and I could go. We got to a classroom and the lady asked him his name. Then he got his name tag and she said, "ok, you go this way, and mom, you go down to the Library."

I was totally caught off guard at this point. The flyer I got in the mail said that the parents would stay and so I assumed we would stay together. Not the case. I asked Braxton if he was o.k, and he was, and so then I turned and as soon as he was out of sight I released the tears.

This has been quite the process for me, the whole school thing. The truth is that I feel really good about him going to school. I haven't always been able to say that.

I really carefully thought about homeschooling him. I researched it. Read the books. Talked to everyone I knew and got different opinions. I didn't ever feel good about it. Not for this kid, at least. Then I thought about transferring him to another district. One that was a little more conservative and that didn't send their Kindergartners every day. I filled out those papers. Got Jeff on board. Then, finally, I fasted and prayed and to everyone's astonishment and to my own disappointment the answer I received was that he was to go to the nice little school right by our house and that he would do just wonderfully there. The funny thing was I totally stalled praying about it because I knew the answer the whole time but it wasn't what I thought I wanted so I kept looking for escapes. Funny how we do that sometimes. After I got my answer I knew that I had to shape up. I couldn't let Braxton know my concerns. I needed to put on my big girl panties and start preparing both of us for this big step.

It hasn't been easy for me. Every day for the last while I have prayed about this and prayed for Braxton and I cry every time. Even when Jeff prays and mentions anything about school in his prayer I cry. Not because I'm worried about him. He's awesome and capable and hugely ready for this. More for me. For the help that I need in letting go. For the help I will need when I don't know who he is playing with or what the teacher is telling him or what the boy next to him is teaching him or when the bathrooms were last cleaned or what name someone called him or.....

Last night we read "The Kissing Hand" and we kissed each others hands. My Gramy bought that book for Braxton and brought it over last week for him to have before school. It was sweet but it made me cry. Then Jeff gave Braxton a father's blessing for school and this was really special and helped strengthen me by reminding me that Braxton will never be completely alone. I know and trust that the Lord never leaves us alone.

So today was one of many steps. He got up early and picked out his outfit. He ate a good breakfast of steal cut oatmeal with frozen raspberries. Then when my sister got here we were on our way. Hand in hand.

After the parent meeting in the Library and his assessment I found Braxton outside at recess. He was right next to some teacher with a bunch of other little Kindergartners and he looked a little hesitant. But, he wasn't crying, so he did a lot better than me. He was relieved to see me though and when we left he told me that he was going to miss me when he was at school. He told me it was fun and then he told me everything they asked him to do. "I had to count as high as I could so I just kept counting and counting and then they wanted me to do the alphabet and then I had to like match these shape things and when the teacher asked me what I was excited about I said reading and wrote my numbers and then I had to tell my teacher what the letters were....."

It was a good day. I am feeling more prepared than I was yesterday. Friday Braxton will know what teacher he has and he will find his classroom.

I am so excited for Braxton. I really am. I love him so much and I am grateful for the years that I have had him all to myself. Someone once told me they wouldn't last forever and they were right. I am excited to share this young lad with the world.