the Middle place

Remember how I said on my birthday a few weeks ago that I was reading a book. Well, I read it! I haven't been as dedicated to my flossing but the book is read and 2 more were checked out at the library today (2 for me, 7 for the kiddos:) I love the library. I love that it's down the street. I love that Braxton and I went on a date there today together, just the two of us, and we walked which means we ran, and that when we got home he transformed me from mom into Tae-Quon-Do coach. He kept checking the door to his bedroom to make sure his dad wasn't listening to the mad skills I was teaching him (from the book of course). His master plan was to check out the book, have me read it and teach the skills, and then kick his dad's booty. He's a man with a plan and I was glad to help.

So, the book. It was good. I know exactly why I checked it out. It was on the front shelf with some sticker that said, "staff pick" or something of that sort. I read the back, because the title sparked my curiosity, and sure enough it was what I was looking for. The middle place is where I'm at. I'm a mother. I am strong and smart and helpful and selfless. I'm a daughter. I'm naive and young and witty and whiny and selfish. I'm in the middle.

I have a husband and a family and a house and a garden and life insurance. I have a job at home with my family. I am the confidence builder, the meal planner, the grocery shopper, the wake up early and blow your nose and get over yourself because there are kids to feed, books to read and cookies to share. I'm the kiss it better, make her stop, pick me upper, call her back because a text is impersonal.
But, at the same time I have a dad and a mom and a sister and two brothers and a dog. I have a room that was mine at their house with a screen door that I actually snuck out of when I was young and tired of being labeled the goody-twoshu. I can still go there and nap in my mom and dad's water bed and be taken care of and be comfortable and safe and selfish. I can go there to be fed and lifted up. I can go there to feed and to lift. That's the middle.

I could somewhat relate to the book. It's about a mother, whose also a daughter, who is battling breast cancer at the same time that her father is battling bladder cancer. I enjoyed her perception and how she dealt with life in the "middle." I laughed out loud to some of her experiences and empathized with her daily struggle of trying to be the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend....that she possibly could all while trying to keep sane. I cried when she talked about her father and how much she had always loved him and looked up to him and how she worried about him and his health. How she was concerned for her children and also for her parents all at the same time. This hit too close to home for me. This is the middle place.

It's interesting, and before I even read the book, I've contemplated this place in the middle. The place where your blinders are removed and you see your parents as just people who got pregnant. (No offense!) People who led you, in part, to where you're at, all the while trying to figure it out for themselves. That's amazing and crazy all at the same time. That is me now. I'm teaching my children things that I am still trying to learn and then somehow I'm teaching my parents things that I'm pretty sure they taught me in the first place? Is this the circle of life? I like the middle. I've defined the middle as the place where you play many roles, all of which are important. Instead of being "stuck" there I like to think I am "secured" here.

Well, I liked the book. It wasn't as good as I wanted it to be but it hit the spot I was targeting. Without sounding to intuitive, I really know I was supposed to read it.