motherhood

I have been invited to girls camp tomorrow to talk to the girls about motherhood. I am so honored and so humbled and so excited to talk about my sweet children and the life changing experience it has been to be their mother.
In preparing I came across this picture and this letter.
My heart is full.

March 29, 2007

Dear First Born,

Because of you I now know what it is like to be a mother. In your first 17 months you have taught me to be selfless. I now dedicate my life to making your life safe and to teaching you that you are a child of God. You have loved me unconditionally on good days and bad days and clean days and days that I don’t even have time to take a shower. You still love me, always the same. I am your momma, your teacher, your protection, your friend.

You have needed me but more so I have needed you. When I am down, you smile at me and laugh. When I cry, you cry because it makes you sad to see me sad and likewise, sometimes when you cry, I cry because I want to make everything better for you. You sometimes cry when I leave and it makes me sad but you sometimes wave bye-bye and blow kisses and that makes me sad too! I don’t know what is better, to have you sad that I am leaving or to know that you are happy because you know I always come back quickly to get you.

Your cuddles are the more rewarding gift I could ever receive. You hold me so tight and all my worries are washed away. You will always be my little “cuddles.”

Most of my favorite memories with you come from nursing. You nursed 17 months! You were such a milk monster that your dad and I swore you would nurse until you were 10 years old. But you loved nursing. You would run your fingers through my hair when you nursed and I would rub your feet. You sometimes would smile but you never let off. First you learned the milk sign and then you would even point to the chair where I nursed you when you wanted milk or set the pillows on the bed in the position I used for nursing. You have always been a smart boy.

You love the bath. You love to splash and play with bath toys. You love to go outside. You stand by the back door and pound on it with your hat on until I let you go play outside. Even in the winter I bundled you up and you went out and were happy. You love it when we sing and read. You crawl up on my lap and flip the pages. Your first song to follow the motions too was “If you’re happy and you know it.” Now you love “Ring around the Rosie,” and “Head, shoulders, knees, and toes.”

You are sweet in all your dealings. We nap together and you love it. I ask you if you are ready for nap time with mom and you nod your head and lay it on my shoulder. You love to play with other kids but especially your dad. He plays the most fun with you and then your uncles. Your bottom lip whimpers and you can basically get anyone in the world to feel for you with that lip.

You love bonz. You are always nice to share your snacks with him and your toys. You two look out for each other.

Braxton, you taught me more then anything else about our Heavenly Father’s love. I love you as my child and I can, for the first time, relate to Heavenly Father in wanting the very best for his children. I want the very best for you, I would do absolutely anything for you. Your dad and I work hard to teach you. We love you. We are thankful for you. We pray for you multiple times a day. We believe in you and we will always be here for you. You are our first miracle. The new meaning of our lives and our marriage.