not until after the trial of your faith

Dec. 4, 2011
November came and went. It was a busy month for Jeff with the business. He got a ton of jobs and ended up having the best month he’s had so far doing $4,800 in jobs. Ironically it didn’t start out that way. It started out pretty gloom. Like we had to sell our little car, The Geo, to get some money. It still wasn’t enough. The first Saturday of the month he had his only job for that week. It was a small job that he bid at $400 but we were grateful for it. Jeff got up and went to the job. We gratefully kissed goodbye. I got up and got the kids ready and we went over to my parent’s for Saturday morning breakfast and because I needed to use their phone to call Brenda up in Canada. O.k, and I was feeling a bit dumpy and needed a change of scenery. Grandma and Grandpa always hit the spot. Something amazing happened that day. We needed money. We didn’t have any and since it was the beginning of the month, most of our bills were due and we didn’t have sufficient funds to pay them. We needed a miracle and all Jeff had lined up was the mere $400 job he was at. Up to this point we had continued to be obedient and steadfast and that day when Jeff got home and told me what had happened I felt like the heavens had unfolded. While he was working on the $400 job two of the neighbors walked over and asked Jeff to bid their houses as well. That is such a blessing, a real miracle. From those bids he was able to line up 2 more jobs. One of those jobs was a huge, $900 job which ended up bringing in enough money that week for us to once again, pay all of our bills on time. I am so grateful for the many experiences like this one that we have had this year. Continually we have pressed on and continually we have been blessed. We have had everything we need and all of our needs have been met. Tender mercies I would say and exactly what our loving Father in Heaven knew we needed each time. Almost to the penny. That $900 job was scheduled for that next Monday and was hugely successful. Jeff worked hard and the guy who owned the house was super accommodating. He bought Jeff and cheese burger for lunch and then gave him a tip and told him to take his wife out for dinner, which we did the next night with the kids to celebrate! The guy is also a pilot and he told Jeff he would take us both up in his small plane this spring. Blessings.
I fasted that Sunday but it was a different fast than I’d ever done. It was a fast of gratitude. I didn’t ask for anything. I didn’t plea as I have been pleading. I simply fasted a fast of thanks. Thank you Heavenly Father for the many miracles in my life. They are big and essential and I know that he knows me and meets my every need at the perfect time. I felt like I had been ministered too and as if the red sea I had to pass had been parted. I am thankful for modern day miracles, especially in my own life. I am thankful. That was my offering on that Sunday.

In writing in my journal today I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I went back and re-read some posts from last year and the year before and my heart swells as I remember the challenges we faced and the strength that we gained. The entry above is record of one of the many miracles we have seen and been blessed with. My heart is so full.

Jeff is a champion. The past 2 years have been trial, after trial and he has never doubted or lessened his faith. He is a stalwart example to me of someone who is always looking up, trusting the Lord, and NEVER DOUBTING. How do you never doubt? I have asked him this numerous times and he says basically the same thing, "why doubt when you can not doubt?" His simple faith has kept me afloat on many a day and I am so grateful for this man. Love him!!!

So the picture above is Jeff's new work truck. It's a really nice truck. I know it's a lousy picture but it's because I took it from the drivers seat of my car as he pulled into the lot with the salesman after taking it on a test drive. I look at this picture and I see the man behind the wheel with a grin from ear to ear and a halo. That's what I see. Corny, maybe. ( oh and I see the salesman with his equally large grin because of the commission check he is soon to get). The beauty of it all is that this truck is an essential part to growing our business. Jeff will be getting new, bigger equipment and needed a way to pull it. Hence the big diesel truck.

The business is doing so well, exceeding all of our expectations this far. Jeff is working long days and can't come close to keeping up with all the work he has bid. It's incredible. I was trying to describe my tender feelings to a friend the other day and words couldn't express what I was feeling. I feel so much honor for my husband.

The thing about Jeff, he is a dreamer. The thing about me... not so much that. To me dreams are unrealistic. Like I have goals, that will get done one day. I almost can promise they will. They are attainable to me with time. But dreams... I don't know. It is really unnatural for me to want things way out of my reach. I try. Jeff on the other hand has always been such a dreamer. Sometimes I just laugh at him and say, "ok, when you come back to earth I will be in the kitchen." These comments of mine don't disturb him, ever. I think they actually motivate him to work harder and reach further. Lucky for both of us.

If you ask Jeff he will say I was 100% supportive throughout this whole process. If you ask me I will tell you I was 100% crazy lady hiding behind a busy life with 3 kids and a strong and enduring testimony. That is the beauty of life, I guess. I struggled. I really did. I silently struggled and I wrote in my journal as an outlet. It was hard for me to not do lots of things that before I had taken for granted. I have a lot of pride. It was hard for me to stay home from playdates because of lack of money. It was hard for me to accept groceries from my family on random occasions. It was hard for me to buy food and toothpaste and diapers and to smile and tell everyone, "I'm good," when times were hard. But I did it and I am thankful. I feel like I endured with grace and hope. I didn't complain. I didn't doubt my husband, to his knowledge, if I doubted his ideas I took it directly to the Lord, to receive my own confirmation. I pressed on and picked myself up. I had too.

I know that trials are part of life and I know that I am not the only one who has endured hard things. I also know that it's o.k to let on that you are not o.k, if you really aren't and I did do that on occasion to really close family and friends who were quick to pull me up from under the water. Most importantly I know that our life was really wonderful during our hard times. It was amazingly bright and beautiful and for that I am the most grateful. I think the most powerful lesson I learned from all of this is that you can be happy and feel real joy in any circumstance. I know it. I felt it, daily.

I know this post is random and maybe scattered but I wanted to share my feelings of love and gratitude for my great husband who is our life and our anchor. He has raised the bar for himself and our family and he continues to go after great things, whole heartily. Thanks to his courage we are all getting to live his dream.