My Gramy wanted to see this movie for her birthday a few weeks ago so all my aunts, my mom, my sister and I had a girls date.
This movie broke my heart and has had me thinking ever since. I just read a friend's blog on a similar topic and after leaving a huge comment I felt like I needed to write my own.
The story, is of Margaret Thatcher, England's first woman Prime Minister. Her life and her love and devotion to her country. She was truly amazing but it was all for a cost. She sacrificed her family a lot and because of it,she ended up being lonely and feeling a lot of regret.
This life is so challenging and so fascinating. We have been created by a loving Heavenly Father who uniquely made us, each His own. We have been blessed with gifts and talents of which we have been instructed to learn and improve and use in our lives to bless others. And then there are these other parts like time, energy, priority, strength, and capacity. Lastly this confusing concept called balance. How do we know what it is we are supposed to do and how do we know how many other things we are supposed to sacrifice to do it?
I feel like I am always picking up after my kids. Always. They are good kids, they put away their things when I remind them, but there is still more. Always there are things to pick up. I am always doing dishes. I love to cook and bake and make from scratch and that means way more cleanup and I feel like I am always doing the dishes. I am always reading to my kids. It's so important for them during these young years and I see the benefits from it with my oldest and I am trying to ensure that for my younger ones as all. There is always a project. I am always going through bins to have more room in my closet/garage. I am always.......
You get the idea. It's not bad. It's just busy. Sometimes I remember the other things I aspire to do. I want to learn to better play the piano. Not for myself, but primarily so that I can teach my children how to play. I want to serve my family and friends everyday. Lighten their load. Bring them a good meal. I want to write a recipe book, really bad. I want to finish my nutrition degree which I haven't worked on in months. I want to have clients who come to me and I help them heal their bodies, naturally and holistically. I want to make more time to run and exercise ....
The lesson today in YW was "Attitudes about our divine roles." It was wonderful. It reminded me that my divine role as a woman is to be a wife and a mother. I thought back to Margaret Thatcher. She was a mother and a Prime Minister. How did she do that? Was she the best she could be at both? Probably not. Was she a good friend? I don't know. I can be the best mother to my kids and a good friend but most likely everything else has to wait. It just does. I can't be good at everything. My children will not be this young and this dependent on me forever. While they are now, they are my priority. They really are, even if it means that I spend all my time reading to them, changing diapers, nursing, cooking, doing dishes... it's all worth it.
The next thing that I thought about during today's lesson was Our Savior. He could have been good at anything and everything. He had that power. Yet He used his whole life to do the will of the Father. He lived his whole life in the service of others. Ministering. Picking up after, if you will. He never thought about himself. His wants. His aspiration was to serve his brothers and sisters. To bear our griefs and pains.
I love the Gospel and learning from a perfect example. I love perspective and how powerful it can be to just step back and look at things from a different angle. I feel so enlightened and so sure of myself as a mother. I will not go down in history as being anything great but I hopefully will not have any regrets either.
3 comments:
This is a great post, Andrea. I have my own unique struggle about our divine role as women being wives and mothers. While there is one part of me that wants to jump up and shout "Yes!" every time I hear this there is another part of me that shouts "Hey, wait a minute, what about me? Why can't I fulfill my divine role even though I have given it my best effort?" It is a frustrating place to be. All my life I have wanted to be a mother. I was so happy to finally get married an begin my own eternal family. And then...well...I think you know the rest. I had always had a testimony of fasting and prayer. Sure, not all my prayers were answered; I didn't get a sibling, I didn't get to go to my first choice university, and I didn't get a lot of dates, but none of those things played a crucial role to my divine identity and purpose. But for this one thing, each time I fasted and prayed, it only resulted in another woman getting pregnant, some of them unmarried. I had always been open to the idea of adoption, but during this time the Lord placed some obstacles in our way rendering it impossible for us to adopt. So there I was: knowing that the only way for me to fulfill my divine identity and purpose was to become a mother, but also being in a situation where the Lord himself was not allowing me to become one. I can't even begin to explain what this does to a woman's own identity and self-esteem. Staying active in church was one of the hardest things I ever did during that time. It seemed like every church meeting I went to I would either a.) find myself surrounded by pregnant women and young mother's or b.) be reminded about how the only way I could fulfill my purpose was to become a mother. It was a very difficult time for me. I think I am finally starting to heal, if I weren't I don't think I would be able to talk about this so easily.
One woman I often turn to when in need of a role-model is Eliza R. Snow. She never did become a mother in this life, yet she was just as courageous as any Nephi or Daniel could have been.
Several years ago a conference talk was given entitled "But If Not..." The speaker quoted what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo said before they were cast into the firey furnace. That they believed their God would deliver them “But if not, … we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.” This is the key: but if not... I think it is so easy to say to women that their divine purpose is to become wives and mothers. We know this, it is easy to gain a testimony of this because it rings true to us so strongly and so deeply even from the time before we were born. But we often forget to teach them the "but if not" part of that. Your divine destiny is to become a wife and a mother... but if not... you are still a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves you. You can best use your gifts and talents in the home to nurture your family, but if not... you are still needed in His kingdom and can still bless the lives of those around you in extraordinary ways. We hope each young woman will grow up to marry and have children... but if not God will STILL hold true to His promises as long as we keep our covenants. Because that is what the temple is all about, that is what making and keeping sacred covenants is all about. It is about having faith and believing that things will work out right, but at the same time knowing that if not... God will still hold true in His own time and in His own way, even if that means that it will not be in this lifetime.
Well, I think I could have written my own blog post just from this comment (heck, maybe I will use it as a blog post). Andrea, I think you are a truly extraordinary mother and your children are so blessed to have you. I guess I just wanted to share a bit what it's like from "the other side".
Thanks for your comment, Annajean.
I really like what you mentioned with the, "but if not..." I would agree with that completely.
Also, after I posted this post I thought about the other perspectives and I worried that someone might find unmeant offense. I know you are not offended but I thought of the women I know who are not yet mothers, the women I know who work while raising children, the women I know who are not religious.... all great women who I love and admire. There are many different views out there and I don't think any of them are wrong and I wasn't trying to say that everyone needs to have children and drop everything else. What I was trying to say was that we each do have a plan. We each have been sent here for a purpose and part of that challenge is to find what it is we are supposed to be doing. For some it is easier than for others. I don't believe every mother should stay home or that every mom shouldn't go to school. I have worked and gone to school since having children. I just meant that for me, right now, it was all a lot and I needed to choose. That's it. We are each free to choose and although it is difficult to face the reality that non of us have super powers it is ok because we do have divinity.
I'm sorry if I came across wrong or offensive. Those were not my intentions.
Andrea I loved reading this post, I feel the same way in my life. I also loved your perspective on the Savior and how He could have been great at everything but instead did the will of the Father. I also thought that not only did he do His Father's will but he changed His will to the Fathers will they became one in the same goal. That is why the Savior was the most happy person that ever lived. I think that is a great lesson for all of us especially mothers. Not to feel we are sacrificing and look to the future when our children are gone but to feel empowered in our role here and now and be happy. Thanks for giving me this to think about!
April
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